More Magical Mystery Science...

... from the good people who brought you the 6000 year old Earth.

This from Crooks and Liars. Read it and weep for the once-glorious US...

Four years ago, as the state labored to eradicate citrus canker by destroying trees, officials rejected other disease-fighting techniques, saying unproven methods would waste precious time and resources.

But for more than six months, the state, at the behest of then-Secretary of State Katherine Harris, did pursue one alternative method -- a very alternative method.

Researchers worked with a rabbi and a cardiologist to test "Celestial Drops," promoted as a canker inhibitor because of its "improved fractal design," "infinite levels of order" and "high energy and low entropy."

But the cure proved useless against canker. That's because it was water -- possibly, mystically blessed water.

...

Meanwhile, some scientists were wondering what role an ancient branch of Jewish mysticism played in the development of the solution.

One document in the state's files indicates an official had searched the Internet for information on Hardoon and Spokojny and discovered both practiced Kabbalah, a religious movement whose followers include celebrities such as Madonna. Hardoon also teaches Kabbalah.

Mystically blessed water is a vital part of the faith and is sold for $3.80 a bottle at Kabbalah centers throughout the country.

Believers maintain the blessings performed over the water change its molecular structure and imbue it with supernatural healing powers. The traits attributed to so-called Kabbalah water -- "elegant crystalline structures" and "high energy and low entropy" -- are virtually identical to those of Celestial Drops.

Hardoon said he did not want to discuss any possible connection between the two.

Jeez, Katherine, if I'd known you were looking for Alternatives, I'd have put a bid in on this one. Our own staff chemist, Sister Celestial Rose, can create Vibrational Waters that can do anything you want. It's an ancient technique recovered from Lemurian Seed Crystals and lowers entropy and raises quantum levels and harmonizes chi and everything.

Call me.