Saturday, April 22, 2006

Assault with a Deadly Glitter

Most of you know I'm co-owner of a store. It's a New Age store, and kind of 'girlie' (well, except for the swords and knives). We have a gazebo in the middle of the store with a pond. We sell candles, incense, herbs, all kinds of woowoo stuff. Just to paint a verbal picture here, we're the kind of place that glitters the floor. Yeah, it was originally to sort of disguise the age of the carpetting we can't afford to replace, but it looks really nice and people like it.

One tradition of the store is to sprinkle little girls with 'fairy dust' - it's really cosmetic grade glitter (safe to wear on skin) and now we call it 'pixie dust' to more closely identify it with our housebrand Pixie Mixers scented pixie dust.

Over time, 'big girls' have demanded their right to be glittered too, and of course we have obliged. One of our employees is quite good at 'dusting', and is quite a favorite among the ladies. The only way to describe this particular employee is 'olde worlde courtly' - he is truly of another century and I don't mean the Twentieth. He always asked if people would like some pixie dust, never 'dusts' without permission.

If the lady in question is wearing clothing such as would make what follows feasible, he often asked if they would like the 'racier' dusting, and if so, he sprinkles pixie dust in their cleavage. Just to make it crystal clear here: he does not touch the people he is dusting. The glitter falls through the air to land on the 'dustee'. It usually invokes quite a round of giggles.

Well, the other day, a young lady was shopping in the store who was happy to be glittered, but apparently didn't understand the 'racier' part until he had already dusted her cleavage. She was quite embarrassed, but not enough to say something to him. No, she said something to the girl at the checkout, who apologized and said we'd let him know it wasn't appreciated.

This apparently wasn't enough for the chick (it sounds like someone else has been 'spinning her up' offline), for she went and filed a police report. For assault. With glitter.

So in June, this guy has to report to the magistrate to answer a charge that he did, with malice aforethought, glitter someone. I'm truly speechless.

When you don't know whether to laugh or cry, laugh first.

10 Comments:

At 8:20 PM, Blogger ted said...

Okay, that is trully depressing in a this-culture-is-way-too-litigious sort of way. But I just laughed my ass clear off my chair. Should we start a legal defense fund?

 
At 9:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The "victim" here needs a severe attitude adjustment.

The police and DA - in whatever jurisdiction this "assault" allegedly happened - need to smile cordially when the victim makes her complaint and then manage to "lose the paperwork" when it comes to proceeding on the matter.

It is likely illegal to spit on the sidewalk wherever your business is located. That does not mean that the county needs a "special prosecutor" if someone hocks one into the gutter. The key word for the "officials" here is - - PERSPECTIVE.

 
At 9:49 PM, Anonymous Ace said...

Gotta agree with Anonymous above. This would have to be 200% worse than it is to rise to the level of a tempest in a teapot.

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger Ralph said...

I hope he is going to call you and other people from the store as witnesses to explain that this is a female-owned business and that his glittery activity is usual, customary and condoned by the management?

And that the customer actually gave her permission twice: first to be glittered, and then to be glittered in a "racier" way, even though she didn't understand, and, not understanding, did not ASK, what the nature of the "racier" glittering was?

It sounds to me as if this customer actually may have ambushed your employee. Is she, by chance, a right-wing Christian fanatic?

 
At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm a *guy* who's been glittered and I liked it. My girlfriend got glittered too and wouldn't stop talking about how much of a hoot it was.

One bad apple spoils the bunch, I guess. :(

 
At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Jenni said...

This isn't very academic, but I just googled the definition of assault. According to the yahoo dictionary, it involves intention to hurt another.

Now.. I'm having a hard time not giggling while saying this.. But how, exactly, does one intent to harm with glitter? Do you throw it in the glitteree's eye?

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I for one have been to the store many many times and have been the recipient of both types of glittering and do not understand how one could be assaulted by glitter..... When I read this, I too about fell out of my chair laughing my ass off. This is the MOST ridiculous thing I have EVER heard in my life!!! Someone needs to get a life.....

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger shemanicmaid said...

If this guy needs anyone to write a letter in his defence, let me know...

I was on vacation in VA (from Scotland) and visited the shop in question, and met the man....and the reason I just signed on and found this was to get a contact name to drop him a line...why??

Well, I got a glittering, and thought it was charming.....the man was friendly from the outset, made me laugh, and was also a fantastic salesman as I spent a fortune.

I have something of a bad history with men, and tend not to have the fairest attitude to them in general *cough* lol...but I wanted to write to him and tell him that that day he did a hell of a job and making me realise there are some lovely men out there. I felt refreshed, valued and quite special!

trust me when I say I don't have the highest opinion of men overall, so for this one to get anywhere near me speaks utter volumes about him, and my ability to feel safe near him...



He is adorable, and if someone doesn't like glitter down her cleavage, hand her over here and let me have a word with her. I work in a project that deal with homeless women...and 90% of those women have genuinely been sexually assaulted at some point in their lives....and most have been physically assaulted, and all emotionally abused....this woman really needs to understand what an assault is...and a charming salesman using an unusual but friendly welcoming technique , and one that I have experience,IS NOT an assault....

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger Gypsy said...

I have been in the store several times and with my daughter also. She LOVES the dusting and always giggles when he dusts me.

I have talked to this man on several different occasions and can not fathom someone filed a complaint about the conduct of the "dusting".

It has always left me smiling and personally think it is fun and a great way to interact with customers.

I seriously hope Loudoun County Court laughs this off the docket or I am going to wonder about my taxpayer's dollars going to the DA to try this case.

This is just insane. It is also these types of females which make it difficult for women to file a complaint on a TRUE AND LEGITIMATE situation.

ARGH! I say keep on "dusting"!!

 
At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Jill said...

I have been to your store many, many times and have been asked if I want to be dusted... generally, I come from work and I am in work clothes so I say no thank you... My friend that I bring with me gets dusted all the time, and even she had enough forethought the first time to ask what she didnt understand!

This is no one's fault but her own!

 

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