Monday, December 05, 2005

Save that panda

Wonkette points out that "the Sichuan Wolong Panda Protection and Breed Center now has SIXTEEN BABY PANDAS". This is the group to which we must send back our very own Tai Shan.

WHY DO THEY WANT HIM BACK? We have one baby panda. His name is Butterstick. Not only do the Chinese clearly have more than they need, but in two years, the Stick will be an xBox-playing panda teen (Six fingers! He'll totally dominate.) in baggy shorts, playing the Strokes on his iPod so loud he won't listen to instructions on how to use chopsticks or honor his mother and father. Keep the American panda in America. Already he complains that "no one gets my Arcade Fire references." Imagine how lonely he'll feel if no one else around can quote the first season of "Arrested Development."
You know, I think a case can be made that Tai Shan, having been born in the US, is a US citizen under the Fourteenth Amendment..


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